Dear Housemate Mr. T.

There are a couple of things I'd like you to know.

1. Inexpensive hotplates are not designed to be used for hours on end,
which is what you have countless female learners do when they are constantly
boiling goat for you. This is why 2 out of 3 burners are now broken. This
is also why our electricity bill is staggering.

2. My olfactory system is similarly not designed to smell goat boiling for
hours on end. While I sometimes wish IT would break, I am stuck with it,
and it's showing no sign of acclimating to that horrid stench.

3. I am very upset about point number 1, particularly as I have to prepare
dinner for my two grade 9 Learners of the Year tomorrow. Doing so on just
one burner is going to be very difficult. And should the last burner fail,
'pissed' will be an understatement.

4. It is completely unacceptable to send a female learner (or any learner
for that matter) to the house to cook for you *during class*. I reported
this to the Principal, in case there is any question.

Ohhhh lots of really mean things are boiling up outta my chest right now. I
think I'll cut this letter short.

Sincerely,
Your thank-god!-soon-to-be-former housemate