Face Update

April 28

A couple of days before joining Bubas, I started on the 20mg dose of Accutane.  Once again, I was nervous taking it.  Up until that point, I still hadn't experienced any noticeable side effects.  I braced for cracked lips and peeling skin.  But one day rolled into the next, and now I'm 2 weeks into the new dosage.

One of the controversial points about Accutane has been teen suicide, but it's nearly impossible to say conclusively if the two are linked.  Teennagers are a depressed lot and some commit suicide.  Teennagers (and adults) get depressed when they've got acne covering their faces and they feel as though they look disgusting.  Teennagers with acne trouble eventually end up on Accutane (in the U.S., often on much higher dosages - 40mg to 80mg).  So does Accutane cause suicide?

Don't worry, now, your author is not going to jump off the boat after tying an anchor to her foot.  But I DO GET how feelings of hopelessness can build up about your face.  Following the dosage increase, I seemed to get worse.  New big blemishes daily, lasting for days on end.  To be fair, this is only happening on my chin.  The rest of my face seems to be nearly clear and staying that way.  I know that there was a chance I'd get worse before I got better.  But jeeeezzzz, when do I get better already?  It has me wondering if this stuff is even doing anything at all?  (Which leads to wondering if I'm doomed with no hope of improvement for life.)  So, ya, I understand how depression can creep in and take over, but I personally wouldn't blame the Accutane.

I'm lucky.  I'm "stuck" on a boat for 3ish more weeks where only 3 other people have to look at me.  Jean and Elze rarely talk to me so I'm guessing they look at me even less.  So really it's only Oly that sees what I think of as my awful face.  He's a boy though, so when it comes down to it, he's probably looking elsewhere ;-) 

I still have high hopes that when I step off the boat in the Marquesas or Tahiti, my face will be healthy.