Purpose

The ticket isn't booked yet, but it's really only because they are ridiculously expensive and my mom and I are trying to find the absolute cheapest we can. 

I'm coming home this weekend.

It dawned on me today while scrubbing <i>Bubas</i> clean for the owners arriving tonight...I'm now out here for the wrong reasons.  I said I wanted to cross the Pacific, and that I'd keep going if the circumstances were right.  But you see, the "keep going" part was really just to avoid going back home.  So now that I've completed the passage and I've been struggling to find the right situation to continue, I have to be honest with myself.  I'm only still here because I'm afraid of going home.  I should well know by now, if you do something or go somewhere for the wrong reasons, it's never going to feel right.  I could say that I'm here for the sailing and the travel and the lifestyle, and while there's a part of me that's *definitely* into it (and still wants to do it when the time is right), the part that's just staying out for the sake of staying out far outweighs the former. 

Some of you might be asking yourselves what about home scares me.  The answer is I don't know what to do with myself back there.  The economy is in the poo poo house; very smart and capable people I know have been looking for work for well over a year.  And San Francisco isn't exactly a cheap place to wait it out.  Course, as I'm finding, neither is the South Pacific.  I operate best in a startup/small company environment, and the areas I'm most passionate about are green technology, renewable energy, sustainable development, etc.  I've been putting out some feelers (ok, 1 feeler) but in these uncertain times, everything is, well, uncertain.  So if any of you out there know of an opportunity, please send me an email.  I'm willing to take ANY job for the time being too.  I don't need the perfect position, I just need to not be sitting on my hiney day in and day out.  Oh, I also need a place to live.  I'll be staying with a friend for a bit, but a 6 month (cheap) sublet or something while I sort myself out would be awesome. 

So let this be a lesson to you all.  When you set out to do something, make sure the reasons for doing so are pure in your heart.  If they aren't, while you may find yourself in one of the most beautiful places on earth, you won't be happy.